guess what, y'all?!

 

WE'RE PREGNANT!

Little Baby D is due to arrive May 10, 2014

introducing louie

That adorable little face belongs to our little pup we named Louie. I didn't think I was ready to have another dog after the sudden loss of our girl, Yaurie, but having him has helped our hearts tremendously. He is so playful and sweet and always at our feet waiting to be touched.

  

Isn't that third picture of him the best?! He looks like he's laughing out loud (LOL)! I forgot how tough puppies can be on your house and your schedule, but man has he been worth it :) Happy 9 months, Louie!

making friends as adults

 

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When you're younger, making friends just happens. You are in the same ballet class with some girls and become close. In middle and high school, you spend all day in class around the same people every day and naturally become friends with "everyone". You play a sport and your teammates become your family. You go to college and find new friends in the dorms or in sororities. But what happens once you graduate and get a big girl job?

Nothing...nothing at all.

You're older now and most of the "friends" you had in the past quickly prove to be not worth the effort as either they have not grown up or you have just noticed what huge, selfish, douchebags they indeed are. Either way, you are on your own. I mean, there are those best friends that you still talk to over the phone and would do anything for, but they don't live in your town. Everyone moves on with their lives and sometimes those lives are in different states and cities. In this case, your social calendar is open and you really just want to have a drink with someone.

Here comes the awkward stage of meeting new friends: asking them out. So weird...I get nervous and start to doubt how truly fun I am. Usually it goes like this: "Hey. So there is this outdoor concert going on this Friday night. I don't know if you would be interested, but my husband and I are going...it's free...and supposed to be nice outside...and you can bring drinks...if you drink and all...if not that's cool...but if Friday isn't good or you don't really like music...that's cool too." <--WTH? Sounds pretty pathetic to me.

Tell me this happens to you too. How do you meet people if you don't have children and work from home? Anyone?

sharing on infertility...finally

I've got to get it out...I've got to, but am I ready to let all of it out? I mean, there are so many women that struggle with infertility and don't share. I've been that woman for two and half years now. I've been vague and not willing to share truly how I feel with friends and family and even with past posts on this blog. For instance, when I blogged about my blog crush and also needing a mental focal point to get me through some "tough times", I was inadvertently talking about my own struggles without going into detail. I think it's finally time to leave all those innuendos behind and share my story.

I can't remember a time when I didn't want to be a mother. I thought I was always ready for it no matter how old I was at the time. With my highschool boyfriend, my senior year, I would talk about getting pregnant and having babies and wasn't even sexually active yet. In college, I took care of all my friends and sorority sisters so much so that my nickname quickly became Mama Ash. After college, and single at the time, I threw around the idea of getting a donor and starting this process off as a single mom. I wanted it so bad...so naturally, when I got married, my husband and I decided to start trying to conceive (TTC in the infertility world) almost immediately.

We had such high hopes! I had never been on birth control so I thought that I would get pregnant the first time, but after three months with no luck, I saw an OB/GYN and cried in her office for a good 30 minutes. I just knew something was wrong, but she told me this was "normal" and to come back after 9 months if I was still not pregnant. 9 MONTHS?! Do you know how long that is in baby-making time?! Like an eternity...that's how long. I was eventually diagnosed with PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome) and was told that I do not ovulate (cue sad violin music as my hopes and dreams crash around me).

Waiting to see if you're pregnant every month is such a heartbreaking process where you can't help but feel alone. Even though there are so many other women that are going through the same thing that you are, you still feel alone. Even though your sweet husband is always a rock and consistently supportive, you still feel alone. Even though your family cries and prays for you, you still feel alone. All these feelings of guilt and self-loathing start to build on your shoulders and they get heavier and heavier as each pregnant-less (yes, I just made up that word) month passes you by.

In two and a half years, I have experienced 7 clomid cycles, 3 letrazol cycles, 2 follistim cycles, 3 unsuccessful IUI's and one very scary ovarian cyst removal surgery that has pushed me to feel burnt out and emotional at all times. It's hard to talk about...so I don't. I suffer and worry and cry alone when I get the chance and then put on this happy/positive face in front of others. I'm not positive anymore. I try to be, but it's become too hard to keep the faith when your hopes are challenged over and over again. The ups and downs that have occurred have rocked me to my core, and I constantly question myself and everything around me.

Why me? Why can't I give my husband what he deserves? Why is it so easy for some and so hard for others? How far medically and financially am I willing to go? When do you just give up and move on? Is adoption a real option considering there is also a solid amount of heartbreak that could be involved with that as well?

And so the struggle continues...for now.

Throwback Thursday: Ep 01

Old School Nintendo Controller

Since joining Instagram, I just love all the little hashtags that people use to describe their pictures/products and so on. By far, my favorite is Throwback Thursday (#tbt or #throwbackthursday). It is just so fun to not only reminisce about your own golden days, but to also see the old school pictures that other people put up as well.

I think I'll start doing that here and put in a little story that goes with each picture. Here is the first one:

 

This is Thanh and I in 2008 in Charlotte, NC. Since he is from North Carolina and a Panthers fan, and I am from Louisiana and a Saints fan, we would always go to the Panthers/Saints games when we lived in Charlotte. It is a fun little rivalry we have going on, and we can't wait to carry on the tradition, now in New Orleans, since we have moved. (Geaux Saints ;)

P.S. Seriously, how big are my hoop earrings?! J-Lo called...she wants her Jenny from the Block style back.

yaurie - our little fur baby

Our little girl, Yaurie, passed away about a month ago. It is still so hard to think and talk about as she was a huge part of our little family.

As with any loss, I think you struggle with your feelings and how to navigate through such a tough time. I like to think that maybe if her departure from us wasn't so sudden and tragic, we could have accepted it in a better way, but I just don't know.

I miss her meeting me at the door with a happy face, and the way she walked sideways sometimes, and the noise that her collar made, and how she would play with me on the floor, and the way she would get a mohawk down her back as she saw another dog, and when she would bark in her dreams, and even her bad breath. I just hope she knew how much we truly loved her and how saddened we are by her absence.

"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole." - Roger Caras

a day of yes

 Our First Date

Thanh woke up this morning and asked me, "Ummm, do you have any plans for this evening? Because I'd really love to take you out for our 3 year anniversary of the day I asked you to marry me." Does it get any better than that?! I really don't think so - but of course, I am biased.

 A Year and a Half Later, I said Yes

So today was proclaimed, by him, as "A Day of Yes". I answered yes to all his questions (the non-ridiculous ones of course) and was giddy with anticipation of where he was going to take me on our date. He just told me to wear a dress and that he would take care of the rest. I mean, really?! This is fairytale stuff, right?

After we got home from work, I went upstairs and got ready to go on our date. He was waiting for me downstairs, and as I entered the room, a little gasp escaped from him - I guess I was looking pretty good :) It was such a nice moment and brought me back to the good 'ole dating days when he would pick me up for a night out.

 A Day Of Yes Smiles

He surprised me with going to Firebirds...we got a bottle of wine...and reminisced about our engagement story and how he asked my parents for permission. Swoon! He is a piece of work, I tell ya :)

Side Note: This moment reminded me of that Family Matters episode where Carl Winslow got his wife a present for their 10 year first date anniversary. I loved it back then and am livin' it now.

South Beach...And I'm Not Talking Miami

via South Beach

Dreadful...well, it's not actually dreadful, but maybe a bit boring.

My husband and I started on the South Beach Diet over a month ago to help with getting our bodies healthy and rid our diets of all the complex carbohydrates we were so used to. I noticed that we were having carbs at every meal of every day. I mean, it's so easy to have toast and grits at breakfast, a sandwich at lunch, and some pasta or rice dish at dinner. No wonder we were feeling so lazy and sluggish!

My doctor recommended this diet because it wasn't as harsh as others and pretty easy to follow. I agree that it is not harsh, but easy? I don't know about that. You seem to get into this rut where you are eating the same things over and over again - eggs/turkey bacon for breakfast, chicken caesar salad for lunch, and some kind of meat with vegetables for dinner. Boring, right?! I'm going to list out some pros and cons here and you tell me what you think:

Pros

1. Weight Loss - duh!
2. I feel amazing and so much lighter
3. My skin is healthier and I experience a lot less little breakouts
4. New recipes (when I can find ones I like)

Cons

1. Not much variety for a girl who is not a big fan of vegetables (I'm such a baby, I know)
2. I can't eat scrambled eggs anymore without gagging - it's just too much
3. Carb cravings - dear mac & cheese, I miss you...that is all
4. Sweets cravings - what I would do for a PAN of fudge brownies...disgraceful
5. Going out to eat is tough!

So how am I supposed to spice up this diet and still be good? I want it to be a lifestyle change, but as an Italian from New Orleans (where pasta/rice is served with everything), I'm finding it hard to stick to it. Any ideas for a couple who has entered into Phase 2 of the diet and has ALMOST had it?!