making friends as adults

 

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When you're younger, making friends just happens. You are in the same ballet class with some girls and become close. In middle and high school, you spend all day in class around the same people every day and naturally become friends with "everyone". You play a sport and your teammates become your family. You go to college and find new friends in the dorms or in sororities. But what happens once you graduate and get a big girl job?

Nothing...nothing at all.

You're older now and most of the "friends" you had in the past quickly prove to be not worth the effort as either they have not grown up or you have just noticed what huge, selfish, douchebags they indeed are. Either way, you are on your own. I mean, there are those best friends that you still talk to over the phone and would do anything for, but they don't live in your town. Everyone moves on with their lives and sometimes those lives are in different states and cities. In this case, your social calendar is open and you really just want to have a drink with someone.

Here comes the awkward stage of meeting new friends: asking them out. So weird...I get nervous and start to doubt how truly fun I am. Usually it goes like this: "Hey. So there is this outdoor concert going on this Friday night. I don't know if you would be interested, but my husband and I are going...it's free...and supposed to be nice outside...and you can bring drinks...if you drink and all...if not that's cool...but if Friday isn't good or you don't really like music...that's cool too." <--WTH? Sounds pretty pathetic to me.

Tell me this happens to you too. How do you meet people if you don't have children and work from home? Anyone?

sharing on infertility...finally

I've got to get it out...I've got to, but am I ready to let all of it out? I mean, there are so many women that struggle with infertility and don't share. I've been that woman for two and half years now. I've been vague and not willing to share truly how I feel with friends and family and even with past posts on this blog. For instance, when I blogged about my blog crush and also needing a mental focal point to get me through some "tough times", I was inadvertently talking about my own struggles without going into detail. I think it's finally time to leave all those innuendos behind and share my story.

I can't remember a time when I didn't want to be a mother. I thought I was always ready for it no matter how old I was at the time. With my highschool boyfriend, my senior year, I would talk about getting pregnant and having babies and wasn't even sexually active yet. In college, I took care of all my friends and sorority sisters so much so that my nickname quickly became Mama Ash. After college, and single at the time, I threw around the idea of getting a donor and starting this process off as a single mom. I wanted it so bad...so naturally, when I got married, my husband and I decided to start trying to conceive (TTC in the infertility world) almost immediately.

We had such high hopes! I had never been on birth control so I thought that I would get pregnant the first time, but after three months with no luck, I saw an OB/GYN and cried in her office for a good 30 minutes. I just knew something was wrong, but she told me this was "normal" and to come back after 9 months if I was still not pregnant. 9 MONTHS?! Do you know how long that is in baby-making time?! Like an eternity...that's how long. I was eventually diagnosed with PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome) and was told that I do not ovulate (cue sad violin music as my hopes and dreams crash around me).

Waiting to see if you're pregnant every month is such a heartbreaking process where you can't help but feel alone. Even though there are so many other women that are going through the same thing that you are, you still feel alone. Even though your sweet husband is always a rock and consistently supportive, you still feel alone. Even though your family cries and prays for you, you still feel alone. All these feelings of guilt and self-loathing start to build on your shoulders and they get heavier and heavier as each pregnant-less (yes, I just made up that word) month passes you by.

In two and a half years, I have experienced 7 clomid cycles, 3 letrazol cycles, 2 follistim cycles, 3 unsuccessful IUI's and one very scary ovarian cyst removal surgery that has pushed me to feel burnt out and emotional at all times. It's hard to talk about...so I don't. I suffer and worry and cry alone when I get the chance and then put on this happy/positive face in front of others. I'm not positive anymore. I try to be, but it's become too hard to keep the faith when your hopes are challenged over and over again. The ups and downs that have occurred have rocked me to my core, and I constantly question myself and everything around me.

Why me? Why can't I give my husband what he deserves? Why is it so easy for some and so hard for others? How far medically and financially am I willing to go? When do you just give up and move on? Is adoption a real option considering there is also a solid amount of heartbreak that could be involved with that as well?

And so the struggle continues...for now.

Throwback Thursday: Ep 01

Old School Nintendo Controller

Since joining Instagram, I just love all the little hashtags that people use to describe their pictures/products and so on. By far, my favorite is Throwback Thursday (#tbt or #throwbackthursday). It is just so fun to not only reminisce about your own golden days, but to also see the old school pictures that other people put up as well.

I think I'll start doing that here and put in a little story that goes with each picture. Here is the first one:

 

This is Thanh and I in 2008 in Charlotte, NC. Since he is from North Carolina and a Panthers fan, and I am from Louisiana and a Saints fan, we would always go to the Panthers/Saints games when we lived in Charlotte. It is a fun little rivalry we have going on, and we can't wait to carry on the tradition, now in New Orleans, since we have moved. (Geaux Saints ;)

P.S. Seriously, how big are my hoop earrings?! J-Lo called...she wants her Jenny from the Block style back.

yaurie - our little fur baby

Our little girl, Yaurie, passed away about a month ago. It is still so hard to think and talk about as she was a huge part of our little family.

As with any loss, I think you struggle with your feelings and how to navigate through such a tough time. I like to think that maybe if her departure from us wasn't so sudden and tragic, we could have accepted it in a better way, but I just don't know.

I miss her meeting me at the door with a happy face, and the way she walked sideways sometimes, and the noise that her collar made, and how she would play with me on the floor, and the way she would get a mohawk down her back as she saw another dog, and when she would bark in her dreams, and even her bad breath. I just hope she knew how much we truly loved her and how saddened we are by her absence.

"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole." - Roger Caras

Etsy & Me - True Friends

 

Tzunuum 

I was introduced to Etsy more than 5 years ago by a friend who was selling her artwork on the site. From them on, I have been hooked. 

At first, I thought that I would get in on the DIY craze and start crafting for sale, but in the end, I just decided to do my shopping there instead...you know, keeping it light and fun for me as all shopping should be. Am I right?

shavingkitsupplies 

Besides all of the great products/options available on this site, I love that buying from an artist on Etsy always feels like I'm supporting "local". Does that makes sense? Homemade goods from people trying to make an honest living just seems right. I guess that feeling is partially responsible for my daily stalking habits of the site. 

 

FrenchSilver 

What are some of your favorite shops? I'd love to get introduced to more of them for future present opportunities! 

focal points

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Ever need a focal point to get you through a situation? Say a rough day at work? Or a disappointing doctor's appointment? Or a long, sleepless night with a new little one? Whatever it is, I've been thinking about this particular "coping mechanism" lately and find that it really does make sense.

In sports, you are taught to "be the ball" and to picture said ball as going into the hoop, goal, or far into the outfield. In business, you are told to envision the future you want for yourself and then take the steps needed to get to your end goal. And even in decorating your personal life (with clothes, home decor, a retro bike, the type of dog you want, etc), you get inspiration from pictures in magazines, online, and tv programs. 

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This way of thinking and visualizing, I think, can help you get through emotional and mental obstacles as well. As of late, I'm picturing lots of crisp, blue waters which means two things to me: (1) I need to change something in my life so that I don't need so much calming waters to get me through a day, and (2) I need to look into a tropical vacation in my near future.

workout tunes

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Let's keep it real...I don't enjoy running. Well, I don't enjoy starting to run again after a long hiatus which is almost all the time. I need motivation to get out there, and the only thing that gets me, and keeps me, going are tunes. If I don't have music to work out with, I don't work out. 

For instance, last week, I woke up early and made it to the gym for 5am. I got on the treadmill, turned on my ipod, and it immediately turned off on me with some sass saying, "Please, girl. You didn't charge me last night so no music for you today". No music, okay...I got off the treadmill and drove back home, got back into bed, and snoozed for another hour. I showed you, ipod.

Not only is keeping your ipod/mp3 player charged important, but so are the songs you choose to work out to. I've been a long standing fan of alternative rock and hip hop/rap while running, but I am always looking for an update. Enter Women's Health for some good inspiration and 10 separate playlist ideas for a good run. Some of these are already on my playlist, but I'm definitely going to add some new ones in there like B.O.B by Outkast and Runnin' Down a Dream by Tom Petty - genius, really! 

What about you? What is your go-to song for keeping up momentum?

avocado you

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Mmmmmm...avocados. I could and would put avocados in anything and everything, but I then get upset because I don't know how to keep the "leftovers" from going brown and spoiling. So I end up just eating as much avocado as possible, in one sitting (seriously, I can get 7 slices of avocado on one burger), so as not to waste it.

Enter Apartment Therapy! I just love their website and am a daily visitor/stalker. Well, yesterday I was scrolling through their site and came across a section that said, "30 Reasons to Buy an Avocado Tonight". The title got me, and I instantly clicked on the link. Not only does this entry give you recipes for avocados, but it shows you how to store them as well, to ensure you get as much life out of it as possible. BINGO! Come to Mama, you green yumminess, you!